In a bizarre attempt to redefine the term "dance," Axis Dance Company has unveiled its latest innovation: robotic legs and telescoping crutches. This "groundbreaking" technology promises to expand movement potential, but mostly just makes dancers look like they're trying to escape from a bad sci-fi movie. The company's latest production, "Kinematic/Kinesthetic," features performers zipping around on what appears to be an assortment of medieval torture devices and Transformers rejects. When asked about the inspiration behind this avant-garde masterpiece, a spokesperson explained that they wanted to "push the boundaries of dance technology" and "also make sure the performers don't get too tired from all the flailing." The show is set to tour major cities, with a special performance at Stanford featuring Dr. Catie Cuan, who will presumably be explaining why robots are the future of ballet.