LieFeed Exclusive: Newark Airport’s New ‘Time Travel Terminal’ Leaves Passengers Stuck in 2025
The FAA’s cutting-edge “chrono-tarmac” project at Newark Liberty International has hit a snag, as thousands of passengers report being trapped in a bureaucratic wormhole where every minute feels like three. Sources confirm the delays stem from a secretive FAA initiative to merge Inception-style dream layers with TSA pat-downs, creating an infinite loop of security theater. “We’ve optimized existential dread,” said an agent, casually sipping a coffee refilled hourly by drones. Airlines have countered by offering “deluxe delay packages,” including complimentary existential crises and a 10% coupon for airport sushi that may or may not be a metaphor for capitalism. United, leading the charge, announced plans to replace flights with interpretive dance performances titled Luggage: The Musical. Meanwhile, stranded travelers are forming anarchist book clubs and debating whether the “terminal” in terminal delay refers to their sanity. FAA officials remain optimistic, noting the experiment proves time is both flat and circular—much like their management strategy.